On fatherhood - a rant

Since this is my blog, and nobody has to read it, I am free to speak my piece with impugnity.

I had something else to put here today but I'll save it for tomorrow.

This is a rant about the growing indifference toward fatherhood, and the role of men.

I grew up in a single-parent home. My mom did everything for my two brothers and myself, making sure we always had enough, had the occasional treat, had clean clothes and lunches for school and dinner on the table at night, and even a few pets from time to time. She taught us well, and gave us all large vocabularies as well as instruction in manners, kindness and responsibility.

She didn't have any choice. My dad decided to leave our family just after I was born. I won't go into that (I understand far more about that now that I'm pushing 44 than I ever did while I was growing up).

My point thus far is that I managed to grow up relatively safe and sane and well-adjusted within a single-parent home.

Thus, I have personal experience in a single-parent home, and I would never in a gazillion years attempt to disparage or dismiss the notion that a woman (or man) can raise children single-handedly.

However, what I am seeing around me fills me with a growing sense of outrage and indignation. More and more, I hear about mothers choosing to adopt a single parent lifestyle.

And the reasons boil down to this: they want to be a mom, but they don't want to have to be a wife. This is because in their opinion, men are like extra kids. Men don't take care of themselves let alone their families.

Men use and take and exploit and may not even stick around, so why bother with one?

Here's my question, to those of you women who believe this: what are you going to teach your sons? That they're worthless? That they are good for pretty much one thing, and then they will be tossed aside once that need has been fulfilled? And what are you teaching your daughters? Men are loathesome creatures that can be tolerated to some degree but cannot be trusted and certainly cannot be expected to help out?

This is a very, very bad course we are charting for our society.

"To each his own," I have heard said. "Who's to say whether a two-parent family is better?" "Most women I know, their husbands don't do squat."

Adopting this mindset and continuing it along the generations causes a snowball effect.

The next generation of kids will produce boys that have no idea what a father is, and will thus assume he has no role at all in a family. And, it will produce girls who have no clue how to relate to a man as a wife, but instead as a sperm donor and plaything.

I don't believe this is a good trend. I cannot see the good in the ruination of the family. What I see today is more anger, more violence, more separation, more alienation and more moral decline than we have seen in our history.

Am I saying women are all at fault? Not at all. I'm saying this trend is something that men FIRST must recognize and redirect if we as a society are going to continue, let alone thrive. Men are abandoning their post. Women are being hurt and left and as a result are taking on the roles abandoned by their men, and by this generation are turning to say to those men "good riddance to you."

We have to turn this around. We men must return to our posts and honor our God-given duty as real fathers.

And I don't mean as bombastic dictators or anger-driven juggernauts. No real man needs to inspire fear to lead.

A father - a good father - is a man, who is strong, loving, firm, determined, careful, wise, and protective. I believe a father is the right compliment to a mother, who can then be the warm, loving, caring, nurturing, kind human being God made her to be.

A father must put his God first, his family immediately afterwards, and himself last. His greatest joy should be the fulfillment found in being the strong provider, the loving but determined leader, seeking only the best for his family, the protection and love for his wife, and the growth and strength of his children.

Fathers are irreplaceable. We've just forgotten that.