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Michael sits down to eat his breakfast of chunks of Jimmy Dean sausage, his favorite meat product.
Michael: "I want some juice!"
Daddy: "That's nice."
Michael: "May I please have some juice?"
Daddy: "Yes, you may."
Daddy goes to the refrigerator, sees a cup that contains what appears to be juice from the previous night's dinner, hands it to Michael. Michael takes a sip, seems satisfied.
Ten minutes pass.
Michael: "Daddy? I want some juice!"
Daddy: "You have juice. Right there in front of you."
Michael: "No, that's water."
Daddy: "No it's not, it's juice."
Michael: "It's water. I want juice!"
Just then, Michael's mommy comes downstairs.
Daddy: "Honey, is this water or juice?"
Mommy: "Was it in the fridge?"
Daddy: "Yes, on the top shelf."
Mommy: "Oh, yeah. That's water with a little juice mixed in. I was trying to get him used to water instead of juice."
Michael: "Mommy, can I have juice?"
Mommy: "Sure," she says, and takes the cup. She pours a little off, then adds some juice to strengthen the concentration level. She hands it back, he takes a few sips, seems satisfied.
Ten minutes pass.
Michael: "Daddy? Can I have some water?"
Daddy: "You have juice. You asked for juice."
Michael: "I don't want juice. I want water."
Daddy: "Drink your juice first."
Michael: "Can I have water?"
Daddy: "Only if I can have a beer."
Saturday, July 26, 2008
...And Another Grey Hair
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14 comments:
I feel your pain. Our latest around here is soup. My son will ask for soup, I'll heat some up, then he'll say, "Actually, I just want cheese".
I swear, they lie awake at night calculating their next crazy-making plan. And it works. I know this because my own mother drinks all the time now, and rarely makes sense.
I believe I could have changed only the names and been left with an apt description of dinner at our house. Kids.
You know? That actually makes me feel better. I will not be the only insane father once they've moved out.
I bet he'll grow up to be a great negotiator: that's model behavior for a CEO nowadays.
That's fine, as long as he supports me in my old age. I figure he owes me.
Happens all the time here too. It's nice and reassuring to know we are not alone in that throbbing pain in our temples.
And I only write about 1% of the stuff he tosses my way. I can't keep up with him. On many levels.
Love the retort; "That's Nice". I'll need to borrow that if you don't mind. We did the juice/water mix also, they never caught on.
Another one that I like to use (and it's royalty-free) is "Congratulations." Sometimes I amaze myself with my sarcasm.
Going gray would be a better choice for me than losing it as I am now.
Their negotiating skills just get better and better as they get older. Soon it will be can I have my allowance.
I'm okay with the negotiating part... it's the fickleness that kills me. Make up your mind, for crying out loud!
that's funny. I never ever ever ever ever mentioned to my kids that I mixed water into their juice. that being said, I cant keep up with my kids, and I thought I was a young and hip mom who could always outdo them and get them all squared away. I was so totally wrong.
That's the big joke on all parents: you go into it thinking you'll be able to handle them, knowing all their tricks. But they come up with things you never imagined, and gradually wear you down like the sea wears down the shore.
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